We’ve reached the apex of summertime. Days last for weeks, the final gasps of sunlight are visible late into the night. Baby birds are testing out their wings for the first time, diving on faith alone from their mothers’ nests into a cloudless sky. There are fireworks, softball games, and cookouts every weekend. Hot dogs and light beer are a perfectly acceptable dinner option until at least Labor Day. And camping. Glorious, glorious GLAMPING… We think the blondie video below qualifies as a top contender for a would-be glamper, don’t you think?
‘Tis the Season to Keep Cool Outdoors
The time to go camping is now. Right now. Go. Get out there. This instant, in fact. Seriously, in a matter of mere weeks, leaves will be falling and pumpkin spice everything will dominate our taste buds. Nights will soon cool, starting their slow descent towards the cruel bottom of the thermometer. But at the moment? They are as hot as Hades, and most are looking for ways to keep cool outdoors.
Now, n-o-b-o-d-y likes to hear complaints about the heat, or the humidity. That’s especially true if you happen to live in a frozen tundra most of the year—enjoy the short time of sunshine, right? But what should be a perfect weekend away can be rendered joyless if you opt to spend the entire time wallowing in a pit of your own perspiration. Damp hair stuck to your forehead and a soaked t-shirt clinging to your entire back is no way to have a good time, no matter how much of an outdoorsman you may be.
Staying Cool, At Any Cost
To put it simply, people will go to great lengths to stay cool, especially to keep cool outdoors. Modern technology can help alleviate some of the suffering. Air conditioning is the greatest example of man’s battle against against sweat, but people have taken things way, wayyy further than that. Here’s a little list of some of the ways people beat the heat while they’re outdoors. Some of them might seem a little ridiculous, and that’s because they are.
But hey, whatever rocks your boat, we guess. Not everybody was built for equatorial climes. And braving the heat with nothing to help you through doesn’t make you tough. It makes you foolish. So, neutralize some of the swelter, and get your mind back to where it should be, even if you look a little ridiculous while doing it. Bask in all of summertime’s glory with the people you care about most, before it’s too late. Whatever it takes, really. It’ll be Christmas before you know it.
Texas Cool Vest
Are you tired of your vest not cooling your rib cage throughout the day? Aren’t we all! With a Texas Cool Vest, you can transform yourself into a human Yeti cooler in no time, icing your innards with pre-chilled cool packs that fit perfectly in the garment. Available in a variety of styles and colors (because “Pink is the new Cool”), there’s a Cool Vest for everybody. Their website claims that the cooling effects will “reduce psychological stress caused by the heat”, so relax and slip into one of these babies. You won’t melt away, but (apparently) your worries will!
Atomic Cool Personal Portable Cooling System
Air conditioners are big, bulky, noisy, and don’t travel well. Atomic cool is the antidote to these problems. Cooling any area up to 50 square feet, this little fella is great for your tent or RV, and goes anywhere there’s an electrical outlet (this is why you have that overlanding vehicle to plug a buncha fancy things into, right?) Just fill it with water, and the Atomic Cool uses H2O Cool Fusion Technology to transform the air into just the right temperature. Roughing it? No thanks! Bring the AC with you. Fathers everywhere are famous for yelling things like “Close the door! I’m not paying to cool the whole neighborhood!” But now with Atomic Cool, you can cool the neighborhood, the forest, anywhere you want to travel! Roughing it is for suckers. Get all the semi-pricey details here.
Go Cool the Cold Blanket
A blanket should keep you warm, right? Well, what if you’re already warm, should a blanket keep you cool? Uhhh, sure! Why not? You bet it should! Initially finding it’s niche with overheated athletes, this brilliant product has caught on with parched outdoor enthusiasts in the summer months as well. They wrap the user in immediate cold therapy, trading body heat for a relaxing cool via the blankets’ built-in gel pockets. The Cool blankets remain pliable when frozen, allowing them to conform to the user’s shape. I mean, you could just throw a blanket in your cooler for ten minutes and then wrap yourself up, like some sort of Patagonia-flavored burrito, but this is better. It’s high-tech, and high-tech is high-fun. Perforations in the seams allow body heat to escape, speeding the cool down process. Imagine the pure bliss of swaddling yourself in these after chopping a load of firewood on an august afternoon. Ahhhhhh…
Igloo Portable Countertop Ice Maker
Those trips to the gas station for bags of ice to cool down your brews and cold cuts? Those are for suckers. Never leave the campsite on an ice run again, bring the ice-making magic along with you. Would Bear Grylls do it? Probably not. Apparently that guy doesn’t undertand the value of a perfectly chilled margarita at the campsite.
SkyMall Portable Indoor/Outdoor Cooling Buffet Platter
If you don’t want to sweat when you’re in the great outdoors, then you sure as hell don’t want your food sweating either. You have about 90 seconds in the summer heat before that shrimp cocktail starts to get clammy and weird. Not anymore. Cooling Buffet Platter, to the rescue. From SkyMall, the same people who brought you such survival necessities as the home old-timey popcorn cart and personally monogrammed, single use, disposable paper napkins. Cheese plates can now stay fancy and fresh until the last embers of your campfire cease to glow.
Octocool Air Conditioned Shirts
Yes, you read that correctly. Can’t wait til the end of the day to ice down in your Cold Blanket? Take the cool with you all day. Not one, but two high-powered fans circulate air through your shirt as you assert your dominance over the wilderness. You are one with the trees. You are master of your environment. Howl at the moon, and feel the primal force of your ancestors coursing through you. These shirts have fans built in with multiple settings, so there’s never a chance you’ll overheat. Just like the ones Daniel Boone wore. Check mate, Mother nature.